Kate & Vicky

Deep in the woods, the witch looked at her house in satisfaction. It was the perfect child capturing house - a house made of goodness. Now all she needed was some yummy children to eat. But who?

On the other side of the woods, there lived a kindly old baker. He had two children who he very much loved, though he did wish sometimes when the days were cold and money was scarce that he might have had a boy. But he did love his two daughters, Kate and Victoria.

Now Kate and Victoria were twins, but by no means were they identical. One had long, deep red hair that tended to be cascading over one shoulder or the other, while the other had shiny, glossy, blond hair always put up. (In case you want to know: Victoria had the blond hair)

But one day, a lodger moved into the spare bedroom because they needed some extra money for firewood. The lodger was a stunning lady named Ariza, who, by bewitching methods, soon caught the kindly old baker’s eye. They soon married.

But soon after, Ariza, who had always been so nice to Vicky and Kate showed what kind of person she really was. For some reason or another, using some method, she convinced the baker to rid himself of the ‘costly beasts of burden’, his daughters.

He didn’t want to, but when Ariza looked him straight in the eye, her bewitching ice blue eyes bent him to her will. So off they went into the forest. Now the baker didn’t want to see his daughters alone, so he gave them some shiny stones to drop. He pretended he didn’t know, and when he left, he smiled happily. His kids would be back in a few hours or so (he had told them to wait a while)

But see, Ariza, who was really the witch, could see this all using clairvoyant powers, and caused the forest animals to take the rocks and scatter them so no more path could be found.

So poor Kate & Victoria, no matter which way they tried, couldn’t find their trail or home again. But these were strong willed girls, not prone to crying. So they picked a way, reasoning that sooner or later, they would find a town or village.

But the witch made the forest confusing. Turning back on itself, twisting, changing, morphing to confuse them and lead them right to her house.

Now when the baker got home, before he got in the door, he had a really big twang of love. He couldn’t do this to his daughters. So he turned back to the place he had left them, but he couldn’t find them - not at all. He also got very lost in the woods, eventually finding his way to a neighboring town. But anyways…

Soon enough, the children got to the cottage in the woods where the witch lived. Ariza, who had transported herself to the cottage readied herself. This was going to be so much fun. She hadn’t had real children for dinner for ages. Curse child control pills and declining birth rate, as well as more cautious children and Annie the Cautious Child’s “Don’t Listen To Strangers” talk.

Kate and Victoria, who were both very hungry by this time, saw the house. It was a gingerbread house in the middle of the woods. Yay! So they went up to it and got ready to snack. They grabbed off small, non-load bearing/roof pieces - they were always so polite and thoughtful - and tasted it.

And they promptly spit it out. This gingerbread was made of tofu and sugar free substitute. They liked the icing more than anything, but it was still yucky. Cream cheese frosting. They cautiously tried the candies. Sugar free and made with really, really strong after tastes.

Kate said “This tastes disgusting!” Victoria nodded her head in agreement. Right at that moment, the witch’s head popped out.

“Why are you eating my 100% natural Whole Foods sourced house?” But, then, seeing the apprehension on their faces said, in her best fake kindly voice “It’s ok. I was planning an expansion anyways.”

So they went inside, where the witch fed them on a whole bunch of disgusting 100% natural organic tofu and the like. They were disgusted, but they were polite. They didn’t say a word, just moved the food around their plate.

But soon the evil witch showed her true colors (Calgary Flame colours) and locked Kate in a cage and made Vicky her servant - rubbing her toes and making enriched tofu smoothies.

“I shall eat Kate tomorrow” she told Vicky. “Then, in many months, when I again yern to go off my fast of tofu and nuts, I shall eat you.” Vicky raised her eyebrows and thought to herself: That ain’t happening.

The next day, when the witch had made the fire, Vicky had to push Kate in. “But, witchy, it is too cold!” So the witch stuck her head in the fire, Vicky pushed her in and locked the door.

They searched the house for treasure. But they only found a first generation iPad. Using the witch’s iPad, they called their dad to come and get them. He did, very happily, and they ransacked the house together - looking for witch treasure.

They found a chest of gold coins - value $1000 (or pawn $750) and went back home, calling FairyTale Demolition [a division of Big Bad Wolf Co] to wreck the witch’s house.

#vicky #kate